What if..

What if I blogged about my present life and I let the others steal the privacy I so to speak hold and keep? What if I divulge myself--my inner self to the whole humanity that profound scrutiny is a price with a toll fee? What if I write something about how I feel and I realize that I have become a someone of one's dream? What if someone I so long to devour will read this post and think that he is nothing but a memory to me?

And what if we pretend that I do love you, and you found out that in this love, whereas all is supposedly wild and free, they all discovered that we aren't just meant to be?

But all that is just a what if, no one would ever think nor see.

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25 Random Things

25 random things

Rules: As most of you already know, once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. I am joining the bandwagon this time since I am already dressed and pinned with a couple of tags. Brace yourselves, people. I am sticking a straw on my privacy jar lid. 

1. My boyfriend and I don’t have a monthsary, anniversary or whatever-sary that typical couples have. We’re not even sure if we’re a couple. He calls me his bestfriend and I call him my enemy. Kidding, we’re more like bestfriends than lovers actually (trust me; my friends know the whole story). LoverS? Then again maybe not.

2. My previous boyfriends were very meticulous with such ideological form of lovers’ festive though. I am the corny girlfriend when the need arises. I make sure the monthsary gift is customized and filled with cheesy-inclined lines. Each gift should have the date etched on it, but on an artistic manner. Like 12, on side view is a cross and two individuals who are kneeling. Translation: let’s pray for our relationship. And 4, when placed in front of a mirror is an arrow. It meant the relationship has direction. Call me corny to the nth level. =p

3. Atom Araullo makes me smile, but my fervor towards him is not that of the stalker type just yet. Maybe it’d only be then when I’d finally get to meet him. Am I weird or what?

4. When I was a freshman in college, I asked my friend Ileen for a copy of Atom’s campaign poster and posted it in my room in Malaybalay. I also watch his shows on a weekly basis, and oogle over the television when he reports something on TV Patrol. Hey, that ain’t stalking! Haha.

5. The Holiday is the only movie that gives me chills, makes me shriek, and blush, smile with sparkling eyes all at the same time every time it’s aired on HBO. Not because Jude Law is in the movie but because I have this mushy (and somehow slightly kinky) part inside me that’s being triggered whenever I see him on tv.

6. I get paranoid when my friends do not reply to my messages. I’d immediately think something is wrong and I become very annoying.

7. I used to drink a lot—in parties and run-overs—name the place, I’m there. I am not the choosy type when it comes to alcohol inasmuch as I adore diversity among humans. But after leaving Bukidnon, all that have changed. I no longer go to parties (since there ain’t any and whenever I’m invited I prefer working) and run-overs (since my new environment are not the spontaneous-get-together kind of people). It’s all good though. I kinda love saving my liver, you know.

8. Oh, yes, I love spontaneity.

9. In connection with 7, I no longer drink a lot since I no longer have the peer pressure of the lifestyle I used to have. Besides, my boyfriend (or bestfriend) is my exact opposite—similar to Bro Bot’s ideal relationship (he’s the first person who tagged me)—our personality compliment each other. He tightens me up with my “used” lifestyle while I loosen his stiff, strict attitude (and lifestyle). So yeah, sometimes, he allows me to go out with my friends to have a few drinks and there were days where he’d buy himself a drink too. Just recently, he has learned to completely loosen up and not stalk me the whole time when I’m with my brothers and sisters in the Order. Talk about improvement baby.

10. I always wanted to have a pet, something that’s more challenging than having a goldfish or a virtual pet in facebook.

11. I love to travel. I am melancholic because of that passion.

12. I am a loud and bubbly person. I love to make other people laugh, though I admit most of my jokes and hits aren’t that convincing but I’m still trying my hardest.

13. I would trade poise just to see my friends happy. Make me your jester.

14. Reputation is a huge thing for me. It runs with the blood. I lived a life revolving around the whirlwind of politics and the limelight. To speak in front of a colossal crowd is common to me, or to perform on stage extemporaneously is just like tossing a coin—not having to know whether the presentation will work or not, you’ll just have to go for it. I was trained to love surprises—that includes the negative ones.

15. The family of my father’s side has a wall with pictures of beauty queens within the family. That wall includes my grandmother’s frame on it. While my mother’s side has produced four beauty queens too. We’re still counting.

16. I am a simple person with big dreams. I dream big not for my own benefit but for my family (my dad, my mom, my 3 younger sisters and my 2 brothers are my everything), my relatives and for the nomads I met in the mountains. When the time comes that I have already provided my family their needs and has given financial aide to my relatives who call for it the most, I will devote my time and effort to at least make the underprivileged individuals feel that they are loved. My only gain on this dream is self-fulfillment—I’m still holding on to that dream.

17. If I were a politician or a law-maker, I would pass bills that are for the people. Perhaps create jobs that promote a self-sufficient environment. I believe that Filipinos settle only for what they need, those who are otherwise are sick. The kind of needs I’m referring to won’t require much financial assistance, so why not push through with it? I wonder what’s taking them long.

18. I am not a good person; at least I think I am and I’m trying—really, really hard.

19. I love to ponder on events and trivias and never-ending taglines like “why did the chicken cross the road? And I love reminiscing good old memories. Also, I love questioning the existence of love and marriage. I also like questioning my boyfriend why he’s not smiling. I love repeating conversations that transcribed five minutes ago. I am person full of confusion. I love getting answers.

20. I don’t dress like anybody. I put on what’s available. I remember wearing just large t-shirt and a belt going to school. So to those who question why I’m dressed this way or that way, it’s just because I feel like it—or it’s the only thing in there. But of course, there are times when I dress accordingly. You know what I mean.

21. I get easily overwhelmed. A simple act of kindness, a fake smile, a tasty or not-so-tasty food, an artistic or creative or innovative tv ad, a scripted documentary on the children of payatas, a song, a poem, an invitation for a cup of coffee, a tap on the back, a kiss on the forehead, a text message saying “hi.”, a positive or neutral feedback on a project, a 2-second glance, left-over food in a buffet, one shot of beer or tanduay given by a drunk and alcoholic friend, a forwarded email, a new president, a group message, a good ol’ classic movie, an invitation to become a contact, a candy, a cold hug ahh, a lot of other stuff that would take me days if I mention everything. All these give me extreme and absolute happiness. Once I get overwhelmed, I’d repeatedly say “thank you” or smile and blush for hours (days even). I love everyone and everything. =)

22. Beeping number 21, my birth day, I am overwhelmed with this “25 Random Things” thingy. I barely noticed that I’ve written a lot already. Ugh, I love writing. Though I know I’m not a good writer. Yes, you need not to remind me.

23. P.R. is my thing. I think amongst all the skills and capabilities and talents or whatever you want to call it that I have, or I have acquired over the years; P.R. is the only skill I believe I have mastered. Lahrd jezas!

24. I adore a lot of people. Trust me. I can talk all about them for a whole day until you feel irritated with my blah, blah, blah.

25. Most of my friends who have 25RT’s emphasized God on the 25th. So here goes mine, I love God. I know deep in my heart I do and He’s with me. A lot of people—those who are in all honesty religious and faithful or those who are just posers (sorry, I really do think there are people who fervently go to church and join prayer meetings but they don’t really have faith within)—may persecute me, but that doesn’t mean you are better than me. I know who I am. *winks*

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Achieve Ü Now(?)

Oh really? Okay.. So this will be my serious blog post for the year-starter’s sake. I promise this won’t be a plain “Hi.” Alright alright, here it goes. I was scouring the pages of my journal blog when I realized that I made a post that needs to be deleted if I still have a little sanity left inside me.

My latest post, by the way, is about my little black book—which is popularly known as Diary—and how my boyfriend learned about it recently. I was seriously dead on the fact that I have nothing to write on my blog that my fingers encoded such a lame entry. Oh come on, the probability of him finding out that I wrote something in my journal is 99 to 1. Maybe it was just a sudden impulse of a blonde moment or something but I did, I posted it—and yes, he found it and read it.

So I was like, “please don’t read it.. please” when he answered, “why post it if you don’t want me to read it?” Yeah, among the two of us—he’s the link while I am the one who’s missing. He does not experience “blonde moments” compared to my sort-of everyday tantrums in that kind of mental disease. My ged, what has happened to me? Where did I place my veil of knowledge? Crap. Come on brain cells, help me.

As expected, a long pause commenced between the two of us after that shallow argument. All the while, I was looking at the screen of his laptop. I was attentive to what he’s doing—will he react on what I’ve written? Will he make me delete that entry? I dunno. My mind was on a sprint. Luckily, he never clicked on the bookmark that states: Shaninay’s Journal. Bingo! Of course the moment I left, he immediately browsed over my site. Oh my, I am not making any sense on this post. Change course. Blag!

Happiness. Achieve Happiness Now. What? Like to the Fcuk? I didn’t know happiness has standards or methods or a framework for that matter to be followed. I was really, really itching to click on the google ad when I realized that clicking it won’t make any sense thus it will only make the advertiser happy. Who would have thought that an advertiser can assess one’s emotions and help somebody achieve happiness? Ahh, even the impossible is introduced on ads. 

Oh, I’m sorry if I’m being pathetic. You should know how I feel by now.

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